A Christian Against His Own

One co-worker whom I'll refer to as Bob is a serious Christian - bible study and all.  (He's the one who told his bible group that he worked with an Atheist.)  This morning, Bob was talking about how he caused a near-riot at his bible study discussion group this weekend by suggesting a different approach to the abortion debate.  He suggested that Christians have a bad image in the media (basically that they are right-wing fundamentalists) because they try to make politicians fight their battles for them, especially when it comes to abortion.

I thought this was a rather profound observation - and very true.  I'm not so concerned about the public image of religion (and I can think of a million reasons why it COULD have a bad image), but the part about having politicians fight their battles is actually true.  Bob proposed that they let politicians deal with the law and that Christians go out personally and work at pregnancy counseling centers, with youths at risk for getting pregnant, and within their own families.  His theory is that there are a lot of people who are personally against abortion but still think that this is a personal responsibility and that legally women should have a right to choose, and the church's attitude could be keeping them away from their church community.  I thought this was a surprisingly open-minded idea coming from him.  Actually, apparently, it was a little too open-minded for his group.  He said that one woman immediately began yelling that his idea would never work and didn't he understand the importance of making their ideas the law.  Wow.  How telling.  "Our way should be the only way."  What about freedom of religion or non-religion?  What if some religions stood by the right to choose?  Bob said he just was overwhelmed with negative feedback, for simply saying that WHILE HE AGREEED WITH THEM ABOUT ABORTION, they try a different approach.  THIS is exactly why Christians are viewed as close-minded.

Not being a Christian, I just stayed out of the conversation.  Had I said anything, it would have been that I was at least proud of Bob for respecting and understanding the intent to keep church and state as separate entities.  I'm sure he wouldn't like to hear my thoughts about the rest of his group.  And it IS true that religious institutions in America have been expressing a certain political power and pressuring politicians with access to their voting block (which is led by church leaders - those that church-goers are supposed to obey and learn from.).  Maybe he should have quoted the bible - Matthew 7:1-5.

Do not judge others, then you will not be judged. The way you judge others, that is the way you will be judged. How much you give to others is how much will be given to you. `Why do you look at the spot of dust in your brother's eye? But you do not see a big stick in your own eye! Why do you say to your brother, "Let me take the dust out of your eye"? And all the time you have that stick in your own eye! You are not true to yourselves! First take the stick out of your own eye. Then you will be able to see to take the dust out of your brother's eye.

It was a bible study class, after all.

S.A.M.

How to Win a Non-argument

(Art courtesy of www.BansheePubNYC.com.)

You gotta love people who just seek out arguments, attempting to provoke, instigate and incite at every turn.  Seriously, though, right?  They make us think every decision through.  What if you could just say you were an atheist and never have to consider the implications or the meaning of your non-belief?  I know I sure learned a lot about myself by being battered with the usual questions and counter-arguments.

But what about those people who practically make up arguments to have and then blindly hold their irrational ground? 

This morning, before the freaking sun even came up, a co-worker decided to offer up a somewhat-weak idea for a project.  I'm sure I had a matching somewhat-weak response as I reluctantly accepted the file at my desk.  I had a little time on my hands, so I planned to look into it anyway, but he immediately started arguing and demanding to know what was wrong with it.  This man, I think, was just upset at my initial lack of enthusiasm with his pitch and didn't even give me a chance to look into the idea.  As his voice raised and his hands started flying wildly around in the air (as if to propel his sarcastic tone), I waited patiently.  Then, I explained that I planned to look into this, give it a little more meat, then we could pursue the project.  He began yelling that I was giving him attitude, "the hand" and everything else, and that I could "stick it."  At this point, as I was sitting quietly, hands in my lap, I was amused to imagine what he must have been seeing in his mind.  I'm guessing that I resembled the traditional Banshee of Irish folklore with hair as red and wild as flames, flying over his head while shrieking so loudly that his ears bled and waving my bony hands just inches in front of his face to torment him.  He had clearly crossed his line into crazy anger - or hallucinations.  I said, "Excuse me, but I have been calm, patient, and have not moved.  You are raising your voice and you clearly have lost track of what is going on here.  I am looking into your project and I'll get back to you."  He yelled that I was putting up walls and think all of his ideas are awful and I rejected this without even looking at it.  I said, "I already told you that I accepted the idea and that I would be doing some support work to get it going.  At no point did I argue with you.  You need to leave my office, go back to your desk, and regain control of yourself and your attitude.  NOW."  He paused, maybe weighing the consequences of continuing his tirade, then stormed out, slamming my door.
 
(As a side note, no, I don't think that this is normal behavior for a working environment, but in this stressful line of work it had been protected as acceptable.  Yes, I do think this is frustrating and wish it would change, but until I actually run the entire company I can only control myself and conduct myself as an adult and professional and keep reminding the higher-ups that this is not acceptable behavior and not necessary to the creative process.  Sadly, if they ever listened, it would result in firing a majority of the staff.  Oh well.)
 
ANYWAY, the "moral" of the story is that the only way to win a non-argument is to refuse to participate at all.  Let go of caring about what they think of you and accept that your participation in this type of trap will not help the situation because they have already dismissed the chances of having any fruitful intellectual exchange.  They have already rigged the game so that they win as soon as you respond, at least in their own mind.  Be the adult and save your energy for a better forum.  The instigator will go home disappointed, knowing in the back of his mind that he lost - and made a fool of himself in the process because you called his bluff.  It also saves your own sanity.
 
S.A.M.
 
PS - This is a good strategy to keep in mind if you plan on talking to Creationists any time soon!

A good starting point...

No time like the present to start something, right? Right now I'm enjoying my last year as a 20-something while living with my significant other whom I'll rename Joshua. We often sit in our fixer-upper of a home and have wildly exuberant debates about politics, religion, and history. Josh has a couple degrees, one of them in history, so he has lots of great insights into some aspects of the past that we seem to keep repeating. I am working on my doctorate in Philosophy and want to study genetic links to spirituality so I get the most heated in religious debates.

I am a straight-out atheist - no god, no spirits, no supernatural existences whatsoever. Joshua believes in an "essence," as he calls it. It's hard for me to define (even for myself) what this actually means to him. Sometimes it seems like an intelligent god and sometimes it seems like "The Force" from Star Wars. LOL We were both raised Catholic and have struggled a lot with concepts of god and an afterlife. Josh lost a parent at a young age, and I suspect that a lot of his belief comes from a desire to think that they can still watch over him or have some contact with him after death. This makes the existence of god an EXCRUCIATING ordeal for me at times. By no means do I want to hurt this person I love by saying, "Give up this fantasy! You are smarter than that!" Really, though, that's what I think a lot of the time. Occasionally he sounds like an agnostic, and he is always anti-organized religion. Maybe that's how we get along.

The relationships that are affected by religious beliefs are not restricted to only romantic ones. I work with two different teams of people throughout my day, and the first is kind of a crazy bunch in a high-pressure environment. One of the team members I need to work with most is a Christian who does the whole Bible Study and church events circuit. He once told me (a few weeks after he was hired) that he told his Bible Study group that he had to work with an atheist now, and apparently they all feel that this must be like working with a hostile alien who is in cahoots with the devil and is always threatening coworkers with her death ray of reason. The second team is a wonderful gem of a group. They are handpicked by myself and another coworker who happens to be a super-rational agnostic. 5 of the workers are absolutely brilliant, rational, excellent workers, and even enjoy a little happy hour discussion about what's actually happening in the world. The 6th worker was hired by someone else, and besides not being a good worker, she is an emotional nutcase. But 5 outta six ain't bad. :) I'll name the crazy woman Wanda - and I'll have plenty of stories about her incomprehensible religious views.

My best female friend, Dixie, is an amazing mom who believes deeply in Jesus. We are very close, and I watch her kids often. (She raises her kids well, and I respect that, so we have an understanding that I will keep my mouth shut all together about religion with them for now.) The oldest of her two beautiful children, a 7-year-old boy, Jonah, just confided to me a few days ago that the tooth fairy doesn't make a whole lot of sense... "like the easter bunny and god too." Kids are so amazing!!

You know, atheists really get a bad rap a lot of the time. Theists sometimes believe that we are angry people, or mad at god, or generally miserable. Actually, I LOVE life! Many of the atheists I know are adventurous, love to learn, and just the friendliest people I've ever known. I hope that even with all of my ranting and raving it becomes evident that that life without religion is liberating and exciting and valued so much more.

So, anyway, nice to meet you!

S.A.M.