The Godfather II

Over the past week, the Godfather saga has continued.  (Okay, so that last statement makes it sound much more dramatic than it is.  Discussion of the topic takes up maybe five minutes of the time Josh and I spend together each day.  It is just a big issue in my mind.)

First, a few days ago, I was surprised when, having received no word from the priest, Josh said, "Oh, well.  If he won't give me the letter I just won't do it.  No big deal."  It was a plesant surprise for me.  I felt like he had taken a deeper look at the situation (or thought about the horror of "lying to God!") and decided that it was more important to be true to his own values and common sense than to jump through the hoops of a church in which he doesn't really believe. I thought the matter was over and done with.

Then, the priest replied. He explained that the letter was actually a certified form, and that he would try to get one for Josh - like he did before for Josh's friend's daughter's baptism. I guess I am less worked up now that I know that he was at least willing to just drop it instead of concocting a big scheme to lie to the church. Part of me wanted to call that priest up myself and ask him why HE was so willing to participate in this. Anyway, it has become a minor daily update between us and mostly an afterthought. The topic did stir the pot a little between us though. As I was drifting off to sleep last night while watching a rerun of a particularly good episode of Bones, Josh asked me why I like the show so much. I mumbled sleepily, "Bones is, like, ultra-rational and I like to hear her talk about religion and science and stuff." He said, "You can be rational and still have faith." I said something to the effect of, "Yeah, right." I was nearly asleep and only realized how awful that probably sounded to him, but I was too tired to defend myself and he was just quiet after that. At least it's out there, right?

On another note - CNN's Anderson Cooper is doing a week-long series about the Church of Scientology. Check it out! It's both well-researched and entertaining (and a little disturbing as well). I'll write more about this in the future.


S.A.M.

To Godparent or Not to Godparent

Joshua's brother has asked him to be a godfather to his niece.  His family is Catholic, and Josh was raised Catholic, but being the black sheep of the family, he left the church and often expresses his frustration with the doctrines of organized religions.  For those of you not familiar with Catholic protocol, you must have a letter from your parish recommending you to be a godparent, otherwise known as the back-up teacher of religion in the event that parents fail to properly indoctrinate the child.  Josh's brother and sister-in-law are, I'm sure, aware of Josh's split with the church, but they see godparenting as the opportunity to establish an extra-special relationship between their daughter and her uncle.  They mentioned that they would want Josh to take care of her if something happened to them, and traditionally, in the Catholic faith, a godparent is likely to step in as guardian when a child is orphaned.  In reality this is taken care of legally in a will.

When Josh asked for my ideas about how to get this letter, I had some really mixed feelings. I teased that no matter how he got it, he would be lying to God (he believes in some sort of a supreme being).  I said it jokingly, but deep down I was probably trying to use "religion" to guilt him into doing the right (meaning consistent with his beliefs) thing.  Hey, that's what religion is for, right?  I mean, to all of the people involved, this is more of a personal honor and family tradition, but something that is blessed by the church.  To the church, this is a Catholic vow, though.  To his brother, Josh is a great person with a good and honest heart, more than worthy of caring for his daughter.  To the church, Josh is another drop-out hoodlum.  What Josh cares about is his brother and niece, and he is determined to fulfill the request.

Besides, Josh already IS a godfather to a close friend's daughter.  He is pretty sure that if he pulled it off once, he can pull it off again.  He had a past co-worker who is a priest write him the holy letter of recommendation.  I said he might as well try tracking the guy down and seeing if he was willing to write out another churchly white lie.  My other suggestion was to go to the church up the street, say he just moved, and try to join their parish.  I told him that he would have to start going to church if he did that though - at least until he got the letter.  He said it would interfere with his work schedule, which it would, but I pointed out that the church isn't going to buy that.  (Look, I'm just reminding him of the guilt that is required when dealing with the Catholic Church!)  I'm sure that Josh will find a way to get this done.  I'm proud of him that he a person of such integrity that people feel he is the best person they know to mentor their children.  I'm a little disappointed that he doesn't talk to them more about his feelings about the church and maybe look for an alternative.

I've read about "atheist Jews" who do not believe in God but still practice because they feel that the Jewish traditions connect them to their family and heritage.  I can understand that, even if it is not something in which I would personally participate.  But now I imagine that such a lifestyle must be wrought with trouble.  As long as the church is not open to the questioning of God and his role in the universe (and I have heard that, at least, the Jewish faith is more open than most to this), one is required to lie to participate.  Maybe it is an unintentional fail-safe for the church - it keeps people from slowly drifting away from the church by holding their traditions hostage.

When Dixie had her children, she invited me to come to their dedications as an honored guest.  They do not have godparents (she is not catholic, rather some denomination of Christian, so I don't believe it is required) but her children, who address me by my first name, no "Miss" or "Aunt" before it, clearly know that I am a dear friend of their mom's, someone they can look to for advice, protection, or love, and that I hold a special and unique place in their lives.  I'd like to pose this as an alternative to Josh, but he obviously already knows this and has decided to try to stick with his family's traditions.  As I've mentioned before, I put on the kid gloves when it comes to Joshua and his faith.  I'm not sure that love SHOULD be exception-making, but sometimes it is.

S.A.M.

A good starting point...

No time like the present to start something, right? Right now I'm enjoying my last year as a 20-something while living with my significant other whom I'll rename Joshua. We often sit in our fixer-upper of a home and have wildly exuberant debates about politics, religion, and history. Josh has a couple degrees, one of them in history, so he has lots of great insights into some aspects of the past that we seem to keep repeating. I am working on my doctorate in Philosophy and want to study genetic links to spirituality so I get the most heated in religious debates.

I am a straight-out atheist - no god, no spirits, no supernatural existences whatsoever. Joshua believes in an "essence," as he calls it. It's hard for me to define (even for myself) what this actually means to him. Sometimes it seems like an intelligent god and sometimes it seems like "The Force" from Star Wars. LOL We were both raised Catholic and have struggled a lot with concepts of god and an afterlife. Josh lost a parent at a young age, and I suspect that a lot of his belief comes from a desire to think that they can still watch over him or have some contact with him after death. This makes the existence of god an EXCRUCIATING ordeal for me at times. By no means do I want to hurt this person I love by saying, "Give up this fantasy! You are smarter than that!" Really, though, that's what I think a lot of the time. Occasionally he sounds like an agnostic, and he is always anti-organized religion. Maybe that's how we get along.

The relationships that are affected by religious beliefs are not restricted to only romantic ones. I work with two different teams of people throughout my day, and the first is kind of a crazy bunch in a high-pressure environment. One of the team members I need to work with most is a Christian who does the whole Bible Study and church events circuit. He once told me (a few weeks after he was hired) that he told his Bible Study group that he had to work with an atheist now, and apparently they all feel that this must be like working with a hostile alien who is in cahoots with the devil and is always threatening coworkers with her death ray of reason. The second team is a wonderful gem of a group. They are handpicked by myself and another coworker who happens to be a super-rational agnostic. 5 of the workers are absolutely brilliant, rational, excellent workers, and even enjoy a little happy hour discussion about what's actually happening in the world. The 6th worker was hired by someone else, and besides not being a good worker, she is an emotional nutcase. But 5 outta six ain't bad. :) I'll name the crazy woman Wanda - and I'll have plenty of stories about her incomprehensible religious views.

My best female friend, Dixie, is an amazing mom who believes deeply in Jesus. We are very close, and I watch her kids often. (She raises her kids well, and I respect that, so we have an understanding that I will keep my mouth shut all together about religion with them for now.) The oldest of her two beautiful children, a 7-year-old boy, Jonah, just confided to me a few days ago that the tooth fairy doesn't make a whole lot of sense... "like the easter bunny and god too." Kids are so amazing!!

You know, atheists really get a bad rap a lot of the time. Theists sometimes believe that we are angry people, or mad at god, or generally miserable. Actually, I LOVE life! Many of the atheists I know are adventurous, love to learn, and just the friendliest people I've ever known. I hope that even with all of my ranting and raving it becomes evident that that life without religion is liberating and exciting and valued so much more.

So, anyway, nice to meet you!

S.A.M.